The Golden Rule of Safe, Sane, Consensual

 Before engaging in any form of sex, you both need to make sure that you're ready. And I'm not just talking about condoms and birth control (although those should already have been discussed or decided on before taking the next step). What I'm talking about is, are you both mentally ready? How about emotionally? Are either of you currently drunk? What about drugs, have you taken any? Having sex while not being in the right state of mind will lead to problems, whether it's immediate or later down the road. That's why it's always best to remember the golden rule of Safe, Sane, and Consensual. 

But what is safe, sane, and consensual, in regard to sex? 

Safe, sane, and consensual (or SSC) is the practice of having sexual relations in a way that helps provide as much physical, emotional, and psychological protection for everyone involved. In essence, you and your partner are doing all you can to make sex enjoyable, with little to no harm to the other. Let's go into detail of what each means. 

 Safe- Safe means that you and your partner are doing all you can to protect the physical and emotional well-being of each other. Physical protection begins with basic practices such as using protection (condoms, birth control, etc..) but can also include (for the kink and fetish practices) having a good understanding of using toys and tools (like rope) to enhance your intimate relationship practices. In example, if you are using rope to tie a person to the bedpost, you have practiced and studied how to tie a proper knot without causing blood flow loss to the limbs, and also have a set of good sharp scissors handy should an immediate release be needed.  

Being safe also means you are protecting the emotional well-being of your partner and have agreed to not do anything that may cause harm to their emotional or psychological wellbeing. This can include not practicing roles that may bring up traumatic memories during sex. This also means that boundaries are respected. This is especially important when doing role play and other practices, like BDSM. Taking proper precautions to protect each other will show that you care for your partner and will help bring your relationship closer. 

Sane- In the case of sane, we're not talking about how like the Joker or Hannibal Lector you are. We're talking about whether you and your partner are in the right frame of mind to be performing sexual practices. In cases of first timers, this means you are both sober and clear headed, with the ability to agree to have sexual relations. If you're drunk or intoxicated with any substance that can impair you or your partner's mental state, don't have sex. This helps protect you both from possible STDs, unwanted pregnancies, and (in severe cases) possible legal repercussions.  

Consensual- A big issue in society today is the definition of what implies consent. It's actually quite simple: No means no. If your partner is not ready to have sex, don't try to coerce them into it. No begging, threatening, or forcing. Forcing sex with your partner when they're not ready falls under the rape category and can cause serious issues in the future of you and your partner. This also extends to the categories of sane and safe. If either of you are drunk and you try to force sex, it's not consensual. This cannot be stressed enough: NO means NO! Respect your partner's wishes and wait patiently for the right time.  

Practicing SSC may seem like a joke, but rape charges are not funny. SSC practices are there to help protect you and your partner and to make each sexual encounter a pleasurable experience for both of you. Take it to heart, and you'll both be grateful in the end.