BDSM Defined

BDSM. A wonderful alternative way to spice up your sex life. While made famous (and some would say public) to the general population, thanks to the 50 Shades series, the practice of bondage, domination, sadomasochism (or submission and masochism if you are not one for sadism) has been practiced behind closed doors for hundreds of years. In the ancient days, it was sometimes a form of ritual ceremony, such as to honor certain Gods or Goddesses. In these modern times however, it is more a form of sexual pleasure that's outside the social norm. But these practices, while sometimes painful, are far from taboo in most cases. Rope play, roleplay, leather lingerie, even something as simple as a spanking are more common than you think, even if the practice itself is not always associated with BDSM. Here’s a deeper look into the fundamentals of BDSM. 

What is BDSM? 

Let's break down exactly what each letter of the acronym means. It's pretty self-explanatory but we'll go over it just the same. 

  • Bondage- Bondage is the restriction of the body or some of its limbs in a way that is sexually appealing or pleasing to those practicing. It can be quite a turn on to be tied to a bed and unable to withstand your lover's teasing. The tools that can be used range from chains, ropes, handcuffs, leather straps, bedsheets, handkerchiefs, and even belts.   


  • Domination- In sex, most of the time one person is in control of the act, and the amount of pleasure that is delivered to both partners. This practice can be taken further in the act of Domination. In domination, one person is the "top" (or dominant) and the other is the "bottom" (or submissive). These roles put one in charge of the other (with mutual consent) during the sex scene. In it, the top controls the actions of the bottom, usually making them perform sexual acts, or acts of consensual servitude. It can range from commanding the bottom to masturbate in front of the top, performing an erotic dance, or whatever your imagination leads you to come up with. The roles end when sex is complete.  


  • Submission- The opposite of domination, submission is the voluntary release of control, giving it to another person for a time. During sex, if you're the submissive, you take on the role of the obedient servant. You and your dominant will act out the roles to fulfill certain needs. If these needs are not followed, the dominant can administer a predetermined punishment to their partner to correct the behavior (unless the roles being played require you to be a disobedient servant, and the punishment is expected. More on this later in Role play). 


Or 

  • Sadism- The arousal one can get from causing pain on another (such as spanking, slapping, tit and nipple torture, genital torture) falls under the category of sadism. While some may argue that this is a form of psychosis, it's not all that uncommon in certain BDSM practices. Usually the top will administer some form of punishment to the bottom, if the bottom is disobedient to the top. In BDSM, punishments are discussed prior to the act being performed, so no accidental harm is caused. That being said, sometimes one partner likes to receive pain as a form of sexual arousal. After talking with their partner on what sort of pains they like, or are comfortable with, this can then help bring a couple closer together in the bedroom. 


  • Masochism- The opposite of sadism, masochism is used to describe those who sexually enjoy pain. Acts of spanking, torture, and similar practices can help build up the arousal some people want before having an orgasm. In certain role plays, a bratty submissive may act up in the hopes of receiving a punishment. It goes without saying, a sadist and a masochist are a match made in heaven.  


Prior to any BDSM practice, always discuss in detail what you expect to happen in the play session. BDSM should be practiced with SSC in mind, especially where some sessions may include pain or punishment in some fashion. And while one should keep safety in mind, accidents can happen, so make sure that you are practiced in what you're doing and keep safety tools (such as scissors) handy so that if an accident does happen, it can be quickly remedied. 

 

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